


And I am Lighting Up the Entire World

by bellasgonemissing



Series: Deep Fried Oreos [2]
Category: Love Simon (2018), Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda - Becky Albertalli
Genre: Alternate Universe, Fluff, M/M, Non canon compliant, One Shot, Simon and Bram are friends, svthsa, which means simon isn't so oblivious
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-07
Updated: 2018-04-07
Packaged: 2019-04-19 13:14:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,223
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14238069
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bellasgonemissing/pseuds/bellasgonemissing
Summary: Getting partnered with Bram Greenfeld for an English assignment is definitley worth it





	And I am Lighting Up the Entire World

**Author's Note:**

> Another (slightly longer) oneshot!  
> So this is supposed to be set around Simon's birthday in the book but I realise some of the stuff they talk about from the emails actually happens much later. I just wanted to include it so the story could actually make sense and I'm giving myself a pass because this is an AU.
> 
> hope you enjoy it!

It’s the Monday back at school after Spirit Week and I managed to get a seat on the decrepit sofa at the back of the English classroom. I am seated between Bram and Nick. Abby hasn’t shown up yet. We had been told we were going to be getting a new assignment today on Twelfth Night which no one was particularly thrilled about. Mr Wise comes in with this huge freaking smile on his face like he’s just so excited to subject his students to more pain.

‘Okay, today we’re going to be starting a new assignment on ‘Twelfth Night’ You’re going to be demonstrating how the characters develop in the first act. In order to fully express your creativeness you will be in pairs.’

Oh great, another stupid project where I have to do all the work.

‘You will be paired with the person next to you so as to avoid any arguments.’

Nick went with Leah which means I would be with Bram. Cute Bram with soft eyes and soccer calves which isn’t so bad. We spent the lesson planning our project. We pretty much had free reign over how we wanted to present as long as it was focusing on the characterization. Bram didn’t talk a whole lot but he suggested we make a collage of the characters traits and ideals and display how the characters relate to a modern setting. He was already talking about all the different ways character is expressed in the subtext. He was kind of rambling and fidgety, must have been nervous about something? I realise I haven’t ever heard him say this much at one time. I sit with him at lunch every day but have barely heard him speak. Hopefully doing this project together will let me get to know him better cause I really would like to, I imagine he’s actually a really interesting person when you get to know him (and he’s cute).  By the time the bell sounds at the end of the lesson we have a pretty solid plan and we part ways for our next lesson with a smile.

Over the next few weeks and many more English lessons later I’ve gotten to know Bram Greenfeld better than I have in the past three years. He’s really funny when he wants to be and even though he mainly keeps to himself he’s pretty opinionated. And we managed to strike up a very important conversation about how Golden Oreos are the epitome of evil when we should have been developing Olivia’s character. So I am very glad to be working with someone other than Nick or Leah for a change after all.

~

Over the next few weeks I seem to find more and more in common with Bram. I kind of regret not really talking to him sooner, I mean I’ve had over three years to get to know him and I haven’t. I guess I should make more of an effort to find out about people and start talking to them. Just because someone’s quiet doesn’t mean they’re less deserving of friendship. He usually hangs out with the other soccer jocks and I just can’t understand how he gets along with them so well. They’re all so loud and I don’t know how he gets a word in.

But I start sitting with him in algebra as well as English, the two classes we have together, which Abby seems to notice with a raise of her eyebrows and a suggestive smile. I roll my eyes at her. I try to make an effort to make sure he could join in the conversation at lunch too if he wanted. I now know that a lot of time he would have something to say and would want to say it, but maybe he was worried about being annoying or his input not being important enough. Which is stupid because I haven’t really heard him say anything that isn’t interesting and even if he did, I don’t see why it would matter. It’s not my place to judge what should and shouldn’t make someone uncomfortable though.

~

I’m sitting outside the auditorium, waiting for rehearsal to start, avoiding Martin, earphones in, playing some game on my phone when Bram walks past, probably on his way to soccer practise.

‘Hey’ he says, ‘you have rehearsal?’

I take my earphones out. ‘Yeah, just waiting for Abby to get here.’

‘Oh cool, are you not allowed inside or something?’

No, just trying to stay away from Martin Freaking Addison.

He sits down next to me, I guess he doesn’t need to get to soccer practise after all. ‘It’s your birthday in a couple days right?'

He knows it’s my birthday.

‘Yeah, on the 17th, I kind of can’t believe I’m going to be seventeen, there’s going to be all these adult responsibilities soon.’

‘I know, my dad’s going to start wanting to read my job applications instead of my English essays. And I have zero clue how I’m supposed to be going about any of this, I don’t really have anyone to set an example.’

‘You’re an only child?’ How did I never know that? ‘I’m jealous, two sisters can be a handful.’

‘I can’t even imagine what it would be like to have a sister. There’s so much pressure being an only child though, you’re the only one to live up to any expectations. But I’m going to have a stepsibling soon which is all weird and exciting and then I guess they’ll have to live up to whatever example I set.’

‘Wow, I guess I wouldn’t know how to feel about that either, it would be pretty different having a sibling so much younger than you.’

‘So what should I be preparing myself for?’

‘Well, I guess there’s a kind of pressure to be exactly like your siblings. I feel like my parents have these set ideas of what I should be because of Alice and then whenever I do something, slightly different to what they’re expecting, they freak.’

He looks over at me with deep brown eyes, ‘So I guess we’re screwed either way right?’

Abby chooses that moment to hurry up with frantic explanations of losing her script and having to listen to Taylor Metternich asking her if she’s off book yet.

‘Well I guess that’s my cue to head to training’, Bram says, standing up. So he _was_ missing soccer to talk to me.

My chest swells at the thought. And at the thought that I have just been talking to Blue.

~

I invite him over after school the day after my birthday, which was surprisingly good for a Monday, not least of all because Bram gave me his paper party hat at lunch. And I would prefer not failing this assignment but I can’t deny I mainly just want to spend more time with him. I still feel kind of guilty about this maybe, sort of crush I now have because there’s Blue. Blue, who I am I think I am falling in love with. And even though I have some suspicions, I could still be wrong about him.

When we enter my house, Bieber immediately jumps on Bram, licking his face and then rolling over for scratches. Completely shameless.

‘Looks like he likes you’ I smile.

I mean Bieber pretty much likes anyone who is willing to pet him but Bram positively beams when I tell him so it’s worth it.

After playing around with Bieber for a while, I remember why Bram’s actually here. I try to be hospitable so of course I offer him Oreos as that’s the only thing I’m sure we have in the house.

‘You seem like you have a thing for Oreos, Simon’ he laughs.

‘Maybe a bit’ We go up to my room, armed with Oreos and an eagerly following Bieber. We’ve printed out a bunch of photos and quotes, both from the play and relating ones from a modern articles and books and we’re hoping that they’ll come together into something that makes sense. As we cut out the passages, I play some Elliott Smith on my iPod, which makes Bram give me a look that I can’t decipher. Especially when Waltz #2 comes on.

‘You’re an Elliott Smith fan?’ he asks.

‘Yeah, I’m never going to get over never being able to go to his shows.’

‘I’m sure he would understand.’

We work in silence for a little bit longer and I notice it’s not an uncomfortable silence, despite only talking to each other for a couple weeks. It’s not exactly a Nick and Leah type of a silence. Not years’ worth of sitting in each others’ basements with Leah drawing and Nick playing guitar and none of us needing to say anything. It’s not like that but it’s not a silence that needs to be filled either.

‘So your dad reads your English assignments?’ I say. ‘I better step up my game on this one, good thing it’s not technically writing. I don’t think he’d approve of my sentence fragments.’

He laughs at that. ‘Yeah, he’s an English professor, I’ve never known him to be particularly fussy about sentence fragments though so hopefully we’ll be in the clear.’

‘More pressure then I guess, having him look over your school work all the time.’

‘Yep. I don’t see him that often though. He lives in Savannah, I mainly just see him at Hanukah, he makes a big deal of booking us a fancy hotel room and giving me a bunch of gifts to make up for the fact he never sees me.’

My stomach clenches. I can’t form any kind of a sentence. I have never felt such an extreme mixture of elated and terrified. What am I supposed to do? There should be some kind of handbook for this: ‘How to Tell Your Secret Anonymous Penpal that You Know Who He Is’.

_That you know who he is._

~

 **FROM:** _hourtohour.notetonote@gmail.com_

 **TO:** _bluegreen118@gmail.com_

 **DATE:** _Nov 18 at 9:07 PM_

 **SUBJECT:** _So the thing is…_

_I think I know who are and I think you probably know who I am too. I don’t know if you’re ready for me to know though and no matter how much I want to actually know you in real life, the idea is still pretty freaking terrifying. So just for the fun of it Blue, I’m going to put a few things out there, just to make sure I’ve actually got the right person, otherwise that would be pretty freaking awkward._

_1\. You hate Golden Oreos (in other words, you’re sane)_

_2\. You are trying to deal with the pressures of being an only child_

_3\. Your birthday is in your email (1/18)_

_4\. You have sat at the same lunch table as me for the past three years_

_I hope I’m right so I haven’t just made a complete idiot of myself and also for other reasons like how you’re insanely cute and amazing._

_I hope this doesn’t make anything weird between us and if you don’t want to actually do anything about this at school we can just keep this in these emails. I know neither of us are really out yet._

_Love, Jacques_

I hit send with a deep breath. I know I said I wouldn’t mind if we didn’t mention this at school but in truth, I think I would be a little bit heartbroken if he didn’t actually want to acknowledge it. I’m pretty sure he knows who I am too. Honestly I think he knew way before this whole Shakespeare thing started. Oh jeez what if he doesn’t know though? I don’t want to make him feel awkward or anything. What if he gets scared off by me knowing who he is and stops emailing me? My heart sinks at the thought. I couldn’t imagine losing these emails, they’ve somehow managed to become such a huge part of my life over the past few months.

I can barely sleep, I’m checking my phone every five seconds.

 **FROM:** _bluegreen118@gmail.com_

 **TO:** _hourtohour.notetonote@gmail.com_

 **DATE:** _Nov 19 at 8:19 AM_

 **SUBJECT:** _Re: So the thing is…_

_I do think I know who you are too and yes, I have known for a while. Jacques a dit, right?_

_I also really hope that it’s you because I may have had somewhat of a crush on you for a while. And yes, Simon, you’re right about me too. I kind of thought you’d be disappointed when you found out so I’m glad that’s not the case. Although the idea is still sort of scary to me I really would like to talk about this in person. I am worried I’ll freeze up though. I never even considered the idea of being completely out, I’ve only come out to my mom and dad as you know and I was thinking about coming out to Garrett soon but the whole school? The thought is even scarier then talking about this face to face. But I think if it means being with you, properly being with you, I could do it. So let’s talk tomorrow at school?_

_I guess this is big. Or a ‘huge freaking big deal’ as you would say._

_Love, Bram_

He wants to be with me, properly be with me. And he’s really truly Bram Greenfeld. Cute Bram of the soft eyes and soccer calves. I could cry tears of joy. And he also knows who I am so no awkwardness there. I had kind of accepted him being an anonymous entity in a laptop screen and he’s right this is a huge freaking big deal.

~

I don’t think I’ve ever been so nervous about going to school. No maths test or science presentation could compare to this. Nora notices my jittering.

‘Is everything okay? You seem really anxious about something’

‘Um, it’s nothing, don’t worry about it.’ Only about to meet the person I’ve been secretly falling in love with over email for the past five months. Fine.

She still gives me a shady look.

It’s so weird because I’ve talked to Bram a thousand times, from the acknowledgements we used to give each other in the hallways to now when we’ve actually been talking a bunch. I’ve sat at the same lunch table as him for years, having this conversation shouldn’t even be hard. But that doesn’t stop me feeling completely nauseated.

If you asked I could absolutely not tell you what happened that day up until lunch. It felt as if my glasses were all fogged up and everyone’s voices blurred together so I could not take a single note or participate in a single conversation. And then suddenly the bell was ringing for lunch and I ignored Abby telling me to wait for her at our lockers while she put her stuff away and went straight to the cafeteria. When I saw Bram wasn’t there yet I started to panic. He didn’t want to meet me after all. He had gone to sit somewhere else so he could avoid me. He would never speak to me again. But then Abby rushed up to me.

‘Simon, why are you acting so panicky, you’ve been weird all day and you literally got here about 0.5 seconds after the bell rang. Are you looking for someone?’

I exhale. He’s probably not freaking sprinting here. Unlike me, he’s not a loser.

So we sat where we usually sit at our table and I feel myself freaking out more and more as the seconds tick by. I have no idea what I’m supposed to say to him. I should have prepared myself better. And then my frantic checking of the door pays off when I see him come in with Garrett. I don’t want to make it obvious that I was looking for him though so I try to engage Abby in a midway conversation which she’s completely confused by. Bram sits down across from me and I swear I can feel my heart stopping. I breathe as deep as I can while my breath is shaking.

‘Um hey Bram do you actually maybe want to uh, eat outside with me?’

‘Yeah, of course.’ He smiles that small smile and we mumble a few random words to the others before turning back through the crowded room and pushing through the double doors out to the brisk, November air.

~

We huddle together slightly out of the cold because my hoodie isn’t doing a great job of keeping me warm, (also I want to be as close to Bram as possible). His eyes are so warm when he looks at me, I could melt.

‘So, you’ve been Blue this whole time.’ I start nervously, still not entirely sure how this is supposed to work.

‘No, only some of the time’, he grins.

‘What?’ I startle.

‘Yes, Simon, I’ve been Blue this whole time.’ I have far too many nerves for this.

‘I’m glad it’s you.’

‘You are?’

‘Yeah, as soon as I started really talking to you, I hoped it would be you.’ He seems to breathe a sigh of relief. ‘It’s funny, as soon as I realised how much I liked you, I started feeling guilty because of Blue. I felt guilty liking you because of you.’

He laughs. ‘I don’t think I ever got a chance to feel guilty, I was always looking for it to be you, from the very start.’ I light up. ‘And then everything starting matching up and I was so happy that I was actually talking about this stuff to my three year long crush.’ I shine brighter.

‘You said in your email that you would be willing to be out if it meant being with me. Are you sure? Because we really don’t have to be anything if you don’t want to. I want you to be comfortable.’ I don’t want him to feel like he has to do anything.

‘Yeah, I think I do want to. I know no one I care about will care and I’ve already told most of those people anyway. I don’t think we should be, y’know, super lovey-dovey in public or anything, I mean this is still Georgia, but if people find out then they find out and it’s not the end of the world. I don’t want to keep denying myself happiness because of fear. Of course, it has be alright with you as well, you said you came out to one of your friends but are you okay with your family knowing?’

‘I think so. I know they’ll accept me, but they’ll make a big deal out of it, whether they intend to or not. But I guess I’m going to have to deal with that at some point, may as well be so I can date the guy I’m falling in love with right?’

‘You’re falling in love with me?’

Fuck.

But then he’s pressing his lips to mine and I am lighting up all of Georgia and my brain’s going into overdrive and my stomach is going crazy. And then he breaks the kiss to whisper to me.

‘Because I’m falling in love with you too.’ And I am lighting up the entire world.


End file.
